


Like a dream I can reach (and will always hold)

by vendettadays



Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Angst and Feels, F/F, Frozen 2 (2019) Spoilers, Light Angst, Romance, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:41:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25712251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vendettadays/pseuds/vendettadays
Summary: Elsa had spent all of her life searching for a place to belong. At Ahtohallan she had found herself, but she hadn’t expected someone to find her and to see her for who she was along the way.
Relationships: Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 71





	Like a dream I can reach (and will always hold)

**Author's Note:**

> I finally watched Frozen 2 and was left with so many feelings about Elsa. I got so emotional listening to “Show Yourself” and haven’t really been able to get the lyrics out of my head. I loved the song and got a little hopeful at the direction of the lyrics (though, I can’t help but feel like I’ve been cheated out of an epic Elsa love story).
> 
> Here's this, the culmination of my feelings for the lyric "are you the one I've been looking for all of my life?"

‘I wanna show you something. May I?’ Honeymaren gestured at the folded scarf on Elsa’s lap. 

Elsa nodded and shuffled closer. It was refreshing being in Honeymaren’s company. No one back in Arendelle treated her the way Honeymaren did, like she was just another person. Here she was not Queen Elsa of Arendelle, not someone who could blast ice from her hands, not even an older sister. Spending the day with Honeymaren in this mysterious fog covered Forest had been a slice of normality that Elsa hadn’t realised she needed.

‘You know air, fire, water and earth. But look, there’s a fifth spirit said to be a bridge between us and the magic of nature. Some say they heard it call out the day the Forest fell.’

Elsa listened intently, enraptured and entranced by Honeymaren. They were so different, but all Elsa saw was how good those differences were in Honeymaren. Where she was cold and distant, Honeymaren was warm and welcoming. Honeymaren smiled easily, completely at ease with Elsa. She floundered at being the centre of someone else’s attention that wasn’t Anna.

It took a moment before Honeymaren’s words sunk in and a few seconds more before Elsa made the connection.

‘My father heard it.’ Elsa’s heart soared with hope. She grasped Honeymaren’s hands unthinkingly. ‘Do you think that is who’s calling me?’

‘Maybe.’ Honeymaren smiled at Elsa shyly. ‘Alas, only Ahtohallan knows.’

Honeymaren’s thumb moved in comforting circles against the back of Elsa’s hand. There was such a sharp contrast in temperature that Elsa gasped. Honeymaren’s hands were almost hot against Elsa’s cool skin. Elsa’s eyes widened at the sight of their joined hands, a warmth filled her chest, rising like hot water in a geyser and it threatened to overwhelm her with the unfamiliar heat.

They hadn’t known each other long. If Elsa wanted to be a little more accurate, they had known each other for less than a day. Longer than Anna and Hans. But for some reason though, the shortness of their acquaintance didn’t seem to matter. Deep down, Elsa knew Honeymaren was genuine. They had spent the day walking together with Honeymaren pointing out the different plants and trees of the Forest. Her heart had been content. Not quite at peace, but the tightness in her chest relaxed its grip a little and an unusual calm had permeated her being.

The mysterious voice still called for her. It pulled at her very core, but right now with Honeymaren, the need to follow that voice lessened for a moment and it was the most normal Elsa had felt in her life. Elsa fidgeted under Honeymaren’s gaze, but didn’t look away or go of her hands.

It was enough just sitting close to Honeymaren in front a fire in a magical Forest surrounded by the fallen red leaves of autumn. For now, she was simply Elsa.

Elsa didn’t know what it was she was feeling, but she knew she wanted to know more about Honeymaren and this growing connection between them. Maybe when her journey was over, she could stop by the Northuldra before returning to Arendelle.

***

‘Did you mean it?’

Honeymaren turned from examining the water monolith. Her breath caught in her throat at the sight of Elsa. Every time she looked at Elsa, she was left breathless and it was no different now. Honeymaren forced herself to focus. ‘What do you mean?’

‘That I belong up here.’ Elsa hugged herself and worried her bottom. 

‘Of course I did, Elsa.’ Honeymaren closed the space between them in quick strides.

An adorable furrow formed between Elsa’s brows. Hand moving slowly, she reached up and smoothed the frown with her fingertips before sliding down to hold Elsa’s cheek. At Elsa’s sharp intake of breath, Honeymaren felt her soft lips brush against the palm of her hand.

Elsa’s eyes went impossibly wide and Honeymaren felt her freeze in panic beneath her hand. ‘Elsa? Hey, Elsa, breathe.’

She started to remove her hand, but Elsa’s hand shot up and held her in place. When Honeymaren was sure Elsa was breathing, though a little quicker and shallower than she thought was healthy, she said, ‘Only you know where you belong. Whether it’s here in the Enchanted Forest, at Ahtohallan, or in Arendelle.’

From the few hours they had spent together traversing the Forest, Elsa had held herself tall and straight, majestic and graceful, but Honeymaren learned that the veneer was as fragile as thin ice. There was something deeper to Elsa’s difference compared to everyone else in Honeymaren’s life. Not because Elsa was gifted with magic or was the fifth spirit, the physical embodiment of the protagonist that had centred in all of Honeymaren’s imagined stories when she was younger. There was more to the confusion in every one of Elsa’s tentative glances, filled with unanswered questions that Ahtohallan hadn’t provided her with.

Elsa nodded, uncertain but determined as she met Honeymaren’s eyes. ‘I need to go.’

‘I’ll be here.’ Honeymaren smiled and stepped back, reluctant to break their contact.

This new, growing thing between them needed to be carefully tended to with soft reassurances. If there was one thing Honeymaren was, it was patient. She had stared up at the hazy sky for twenty-seven years waiting for the day she could see exactly what the colour blue looked like. When she had first seen Elsa, she had been unable to look away from her gaze. She hadn’t realised that blue could be so many different shades, that blue was the colour of Elsa’s eyes.

***

It turned out that abdicating wasn’t as difficult as Elsa had thought it was. Arendelle’s Royal Court had taken the news in its stride and graciously accepted their Queen’s decision to abdicate. If it hadn’t been for Anna taking charge, Elsa wasn’t sure they would have reached today.

Elsa’s hand shook as she signed the last royal document, hopefully, of her lifetime. She handed the pen to Anna who signed underneath Elsa’s signature in a sweeping, swirling flourish.

‘There!’ Anna dropped the pen and threw her arms around Elsa. Elsa released a small sigh, feeling lighter as the weight of the kingdom disappeared from her shoulders. ‘Now, we need to make sure you’re all packed and ready to return to the Northuldra. Just remember you need to be back in a week time for my coronation.’

‘I feel like I’m leaving you to clean up my mess.’

‘Pfft!’ Anna looped her arm through Elsa’s and waved goodbye at Kai as they left the Royal study. ‘You’re the most organised person I know. I really doubt there is any “mess” for me to clean up.’

‘Wait a minute, Anna!’ Elsa held onto Anna’s hand to stop her sister from whirling them away. There was so much more than signing a signature and that being the end of her reign as Queen Elsa of Arendelle. There were formalities. There was so much she needed to tell Anna before the coronation. There was —

Anna’s bright smile faded at the intense frown on Elsa’s anxious face. ‘What’s wrong?’

Elsa wrung her fingers together, shoulders turned inward. It was a little late to be having second thoughts. ‘Will you be okay? Truly?’

Anna took Elsa’s hands in her own. ‘I’ll be fine, Elsa. You were a fantastic Queen during your reign. The Kingdom wanted for nothing, but you’ve spent your whole life being everything for everyone else.’

Elsa swallowed the lump in her throat and blinked back the tears that threatened to fall.

‘This is who you are and I am definitely not going to stop you from being you. You’ve been searching for so long and you’ve finally found a place you belong, even if that place is really far north and communication is going to be hard. We really need to sort out a way to communicate long distances…’ Anna trailed off with a frown, mouth twisting as she mulled over something inside her head. She shook her herself, eyes serious again. ‘What I’m saying, Elsa, is be who you are for _you_.’

When had her baby sister grown into this strong, confident woman? No, Anna had always been strong, unwavering in her conviction and belief in herself and Elsa. Unlike her, Anna had always been able to find the light even in the deepest of darkness.

Elsa smiled and wrapped her arms around Anna in a hug. Anna was going to be more than fine. ‘Thank you, Anna.’

‘There’s nothing to it.’ Anna tugged on Elsa’s arm and they continued their walk through the castle. ‘It’s the truth though, even Honeymaren said you belong up in the Enchanted Forest.’

Hearing Honeymaren’s name sent a jolt through Elsa and her heart beat just a little quicker. She squeaked out, ‘Yeah?’

‘Yeaaaaah.’ Anna side-eyed her, a slim eyebrow raised at the dust of pink on Elsa’s pale complexion. ‘So you and Honeymaren. You seem close.’

Elsa opened her mouth, but no words came out. She coughed to clear her throat and resisted the urge to press her hands to her hot cheeks. ‘I guess we are?’

‘You’re not sure?’ Anna asked, steering them to a window that lead out to the balcony on the West side of the castle.

Elsa leaned against the stone parapet. There was a crispness in the air that signalled the beginnings of winter. She had grown to love the winters since she embraced her powers, not just because of her natural affinity with ice and snow, but from accepting she could create beauty instead of destruction.

_'You know, you belong up here.'_

Honeymaren's words had filled her with such lightness that she thought she could float. No one had ever said that to her, but Honeymaren had and with such certainty that Elsa had struggled to breathe properly to answer her. Since leaving the Enchanted Forest, she revisited the memory often, holding the words close to heart when doubt seeped in like the winter chill into old bones.

With every day that passed in Arendelle, the more Elsa’s mind wandered to the day she would return to the Forest. Elsa sighed longingly. She wanted to see the red, orange and yellow leaves of the trees as the Forest sank further into Autumn, to feel the frigid wind in her hair as she raced on the Nokk across the water to Ahtohallan. She wanted to hear Honeymaren’s voice again. 

Elsa propped her head on her hand. Anna waited patiently next to her as she struggled through the words she couldn’t find to express herself. ‘I think we’re close. I mean, I feel close to her.’

Anna’s expression softened. ‘Why do you feel that way?’

‘I don’t know, Anna. We spent nearly so long talking about the Forest, the Northuldra, and magic. She knows so much about the elements. She has so many stories to tell and I felt…’ Elsa released a long sigh. ‘Like she _understands_ me.’

‘Do you mean Honeymaren has—’

She shook her head. ‘That’s not what I mean.’ Elsa moved away from Anna, tense with nervous energy that vibrated through her. She paced the short length of the balcony. ‘I know it sounds crazy, but I feel like we connected.’

‘Elsa, it’s not crazy at all.’

She stopped her pacing. ‘It’s not?’

‘No, crazy would be following a mysterious voice only you can hear and putting yourself in mortal danger to free the Forest and save Arendelle,’ teased Anna.

Elsa huffed a laugh. When Anna put it like that then she did have a point.

‘It sounds like you really _like_ Honeymaren.’

Elsa stopped laughing and stared at Anna, mouth open as her mind tried to comprehend the words. Anna had dropped it so casually, as if she had just commented on how the sky was blue and the grass was green. She turned to look out across the fjord, everything seemed a little brighter than it had a few minutes ago, the afternoon air clearer, and the world came back into sharp focus as realisation took root.

‘I _like_ Honeymaren,’ repeated Elsa in awe. That had been the feeling all along. Laughter bubbled inside until it erupted like champagne from a bottle. Elsa rested heavily against the stone wall as she re-examined her and Honeymaren’s every interaction. ‘I’ve never felt that way about someone before.’

This time it was Anna’s turn to stare, wide eyed and opened mouth at Elsa. ‘What do you mean you’ve never felt that way before?

Elsa shrugged. ‘I haven’t.’

Anna scrunched up her brows and crossed her arms, one hand resting on her chin as she considered exactly what Elsa had said. ‘You’ve never walked down the street, saw someone you liked and wanted to rip their clothes off? Or got hot and bothered when someone particularly handsome made eyes your way?’

‘No!’ Elsa cringed at the thought of ripping off anyone’s clothes off or getting hot and bothered because someone she didn’t know had made “eyes” at her. Whatever that actually was. The memory of her last exchange with Honeymaren drifted to mind. Heat prickled up Elsa’s neck as she remembered how it had felt with Honeymaren’s hand against her face. How she had wanted to turn and brush her lips against Honeymaren’s palm. She hadn’t wanted Honeymaren to move away. 

Elsa placed her cold hands on her burning cheeks. It did nothing to cool her down.

’Okay, so maybe not just a random someone, but a particular someone ’ Anna smirked and nudged Elsa in the side with her sharp elbow. But Anna took pity on Elsa who resembled an overripe tomato and pulled her into a tight hug. ‘It doesn’t matter if this is the first time, or the second time, or even the hundredth time you’ve felt this. I’m happy for you.’

Elsa hugged back hard, soaking in Anna’s acceptance and unconditional love. It felt like all the pieces in her world were finally falling into place. She wasn’t a freak of nature, an unnatural ice witch, or broken and unable to feel like others did. At Ahtohallan, she had found herself after a lifetime of searching and doubting. But she hadn’t expected someone to find her, to see her for her along the way.

She had a purpose in life and she would leave more than a just footprint in the snow. It was decided. She would go back to Enchanted Forest tonight.

***

Elsa slid off the Nokk and bowed her head, paying respect to the water spirit before it returned tothe sea.

She breathed in the salty air and took a moment to ground herself, listening as the waves broke against the pebble shore in the dark night. A soothing susurrus filled Elsa's thoughts as she imagined the water filtering between the gaps of the smooth stones, only to be dragged back into the sea by the force of the moon.

The waters were calm here on the edge of the Enchanted Forest, not tumultuous or powered by fury like the Dark Sea on the night she had raced over its crashing waves, trembling to her bones as the water pulled her under. It had been another time, another place when her heart had been searching. Now she was back to find that last piece.

The scrabbling of rocks tumbling under foot caught Elsa’s attention. She turned to face the cliff, but couldn’t see beyond the dark beach.

‘Elsa?’

‘Honeymaren?’

A dark shape ran down the slope and onto the beach towards her. Elation rose in her like a tempest at seeing Honeymaren, overtaking the nerves that had settled in her stomach since leaving Arendelle. Her feet moved, one step became two steps until she was running and slipping against the pebbles and into Honeymaren’s open arms.

Elsa laughed as Honeymaren lifted her off her feet and twirled her. She buried her face into Honeymaren’s shoulder when they stopped. ‘How did you know?’

‘I heard the Nokk and knew you had come back. That and the wind spirit had been tugging at my hat for five minutes.’ Honeymaren lifted Elsa’s face with a finger beneath her chin. Even in the moonlight, Elsa saw Honeymaren’s blush. ‘I’ve been watching the horizon every day.’

Elsa’s heart felt like bursting at the confession. She wasn’t going to run this time. She had spent too many years being controlled by her fears and insecurities to run away now. Elsa bridged the distance and pressed her lips to Honeymaren’s. Her hands slipped into Honeymaren’s hair, fingers tangling and unravelling her braid.

The arms around her waist pulled her closer and Elsa gasped, breaking away at the press of Honeymaren’s body against hers. Honeymaren tilted her head and captured Elsa’s gasp in a parted kiss that sent Elsa’s eyes closing and head spinning. Elsa had never felt such searing heat surge through her. Every one of her senses was on fire. Her blood thrummed, but not from her magic. The tingles across her skin wasn’t from ice crystals forming and frosting. All she could feel was the push of Honeymaren’s hot mouth as they moved together and the pull of Honeymaren’s hand at her hip, gripping the blue fabric of her coat.

Elsa broke the kiss abruptly, exhilarated at the sensations and overwhelmed by the heavy, pounding in her body that went beyond just the beating of her heart in her chest. She leaned in and rested her forehead against Honeymaren’s. Her chest heaved, every breath released in shuddering sighs as she watched Honeymaren gather herself, brown eyes bright and intense with emotion. Her hold on Elsa’s hip was just as strong and it felt like a lifeline Elsa hadn’t known she needed.

‘Oh, I’m sorry.’ Elsa unclenched her fingers from where they had threaded into Honeymaren’s hair. She smoothed down the thick, brown strands, remembering how she had tugged and pulled, insistent on feeling more.

Honeymaren gave a light laugh, bringing to Elsa’s attention the state of her red, swollen lips. They tempted Elsa to lean in again.

‘Don’t be,’ said Honeymaren breathlessly, grazing her lips along the line of Elsa’s jaw, stopping just below her ear. ‘I liked it.’

Elsa’s breath hitched and she closed her eyes tight at how hard her heart hammered at the whispered declaration.

‘You don’t have to hide.’ At Honeymaren’s touch, Elsa opened her eyes and swallowed hard at seeing Honeymaren’s gentle gaze.

‘I’ve never done this before,’ whispered Elsa.

Honeymaren brushed the hair that had fallen across Elsa’s face, tucking it behind her ear tenderly. ‘We’ll find out together.’


End file.
